Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
