I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You are a genius and a whore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
