so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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