we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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