Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont even know how to be here
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
