just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
