I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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