he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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