He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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