I accidentally burped into my bong.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
