How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
