Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
