just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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