i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
