Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
