I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I touched a dick in church today
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
