one might say we're banned from that church
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize