How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
