thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
