Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
