Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
