Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we're making bets on your personal life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
