I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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