Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize