There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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