you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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