There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
