Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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