I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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