Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't put those talents on a resume
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
false alarm, still single
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