Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
