I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
