your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize