Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
