i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
