evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
