I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
