Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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