The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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