Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
