The maid of honor just puked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
