OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
