K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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