every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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