Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
