So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
