I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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