I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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