I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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