mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
