I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
