I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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