watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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