Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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