The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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