is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
