he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
