he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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