He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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