yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
