Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
