it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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