redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
