Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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