Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
