she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
