Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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