She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
