I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize