oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
