Swine flu. Run for my life!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
