we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
