True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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