This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
