I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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