I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
