Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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