You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
