Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize