Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
