My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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