Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
