i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
