if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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