Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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