I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
