she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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