As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
