ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
