i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
