I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize