i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
