I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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