the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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