Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
