yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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