do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
