Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize