the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
