I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
