I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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