Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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