dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
