All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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