Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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