I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
