You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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