Got a toothbrush?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
