Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize